I didn't wake up feeling good today, so I know it's not just one of those days where everything is dandy. And it's not drug induced, because I haven't done any for a while (at least, a while for me). Except cigarettes but I don't think that I COULD ave a good day without cigarettes. Those of you who know me know this to be true. And it wasn't Eloise because I haven't seen her since Saturday.
So, I must find the cause for these positive feelings. I blame it on a several factors. First of all, my psych test was a joke, the easiest shit I've ever had to do whilst being locked in a room for 2 hours. Not to say that I aced it, but it was far less painful than I anticipated, and the fact that I didn't actually do any study didn't mean that I couldn't answer any of the questions. There was only 1 question I didn't do, and it was just a short answer one, so not important. Secondly, I snuck into the school library (even though I'm suspended and forbidden from being on the premises unless I have a test to go to) and clandestinely finished an essay that is 4 and a half weeks late. Maybe 3 and a half, I can't remember. And then I handed it in to Iain, who thanked me and then told me to get off school property. Thirdly, I bumped into Declan on the way home and accompanied him to the Ainslie shops. Then I bought a coke at the IGA and went across the road to the bus stop. It was at the bus stop that I realised I felt good, so I think it must have been that bottle of coke that made my day so good. Post hoc, ergo proctor hoc. That's a logical fallacy "After this, therefore because of this".
It was interesting, because it's the first time I've made myself feel good about myself for a long time. And it felt good. But I'm glad it happened because it made me realise that I can actually make myself feel okay and I don't need weed to do it. I don't want to go saying things I can't follow through on, but I'm thinking that maybe I can bring my pot use back under control, at least to an extent. Because I'm getting a clarity of thought that I haven't had for a while. Maybe that's not true, I'm sure my thoughts are pretty much this clear whenever I'm sober, but I've given my brain enough time to replenish the neurotransmitters that make me feel happy. As in, I've gone through the comedown period after drug use where you just feel depressed because you've used up all your fucking serotonin in getting high. Which is partly why I think I've had so much trouble of late. I just haven't given myself the time to get back to normal. With the holidays I should have less trouble staying sober, weed's not been pushed in my face all day at Eloise's place. Which isn't to say that I've been forced to smoke-up all the time, quite the opposite, but you know what they say, "out of sight, out of mind".
I think I also feel so good today because Eloise helped me figure out what the fuck I'm doing next year. I think part of the reason I've been drug-fucked is because I've been feeling like I have nothing to aspire to. Until recently I thought that I was going to have to go to Uni, which, now I think about it, I really don't want to do. Not so soon after college, at least, because another part of the reason I've been at it so much is because I just don't want to have to deal with school. I also realise that a large part of the reason is me, because I'm a weak-willed fuck-wit, but I didn't want to mention that. The only reason I'm bringing it up now is so that no-one else does, because yes, I am aware it is largely my fault. I'm just trying to make myself feel a little better about it.
But I'm going off topic, and if I write all about pot in this entry then I won't be able to do an entry on it later. Let me say this though, I also do it because it's pretty fucking fun and I've been doing it so much because at some point I realised that you can still do things you're meant to when you're stoned, so I had no incentive to stop. But now I see that I don't need it to feel good, generally at least, so I'm gonna attempt to do it much less frequently.
Anyways, three posts in three days, a feat unlikely to be repeated on this blog. Unless you cunts actually start making other cunts read it so that I can make some monies, but I don't expect that to happen anytime soon.
The Cad
23.6.09
22.6.09
Death in General
Death is a big one. And it's generally a pretty serious topic. That being said I'm not in the mood to take this seriously so I'm just going to talk about. I know a couple of people who've died since I met them. My mum's dad, for one, but I think everyone was partially relieved when Mike died. He'd developed quite severe dementia in the years leading up to it so I think it's safe to say that the Mike my mother's family knew and loved had died long before he stopped breathing. Which I think is possibly the saddest way to go.
And then there was my father's mother (on a side note, neither my mum's dad nor my dad's mum were their biological parents, but that's another, irrelevant, story) who died in 2003, so I think it wouldn't have been more than a year after Mike died. I'm going to be honest here, which is hard to do because honesty invites all-and-sundry to come kick you where it hurts, and say that I was scared of her until she died. I'm not saying I didn't love her, I can't quite remember because past emotions are harder to recall than past events, but she gave me the creeps. It wasn't her fault, se'd survived some horrible cancer or something that meant she practically bedridden for as long as I knew her, and I think she was a bit nutty. But she cared deeply for me, apparently, and I don't doubt that. Anyway, she died, somewhat ironically, on the way home from the hospital. She was undergoing that thing they do for renal failure, where they clean your blood through an external machine before pumping it back into the body. Death. It's amazing the shit we'll put ourselves through to stave it off.
Finally, there's George. My brother. He was born in and he died in 2002. My mother's fourth child, he died of sudden infant death syndrome a few months after he was born. I never got a chance to meet him because I was living in Queensland between 2001 and 2003. My poor mother though, she's been through so much sadness and turmoil in her life. It doesn't seem fair. But life and death are one and the same, and there isn't any justice to either of them.
I think I'll close this post with my ideal cause of death, which is what I wanted this post to be about before I got sidetracked. Because death is such a momentous and tragic event, because death signifies the end of one's existence I want to die from spontaneous combustion. It is my skeptical duty to say that spontaneous human combustion has little in the way of proper evidence and no known mechanism. However, if it exists, I want to spontaneously combust. Because no matter what the situation, SHC is funny. Fucking hilarious, actually, and I can't think of a single situation where it wouldn't cause me to chuckle. Say I'm just talking to someone, we're in the middle of a (probably) pointless and irrelevant conversation and suddenly I burn upwith no warning. The person talking to me would be mortified, and my death, like our conversation, would be pointless and irrelevant. But let's say I'mnot talking to someone. I'm lying in a bed, dying of cancer. My family is gathered to say a tearful farewell and then 'poof', I just explode. Face it, it would be funny. I suppose spontaneous combustion is my favourite C.O.D because it is the ultimate non-sequiter.
The Cad
And then there was my father's mother (on a side note, neither my mum's dad nor my dad's mum were their biological parents, but that's another, irrelevant, story) who died in 2003, so I think it wouldn't have been more than a year after Mike died. I'm going to be honest here, which is hard to do because honesty invites all-and-sundry to come kick you where it hurts, and say that I was scared of her until she died. I'm not saying I didn't love her, I can't quite remember because past emotions are harder to recall than past events, but she gave me the creeps. It wasn't her fault, se'd survived some horrible cancer or something that meant she practically bedridden for as long as I knew her, and I think she was a bit nutty. But she cared deeply for me, apparently, and I don't doubt that. Anyway, she died, somewhat ironically, on the way home from the hospital. She was undergoing that thing they do for renal failure, where they clean your blood through an external machine before pumping it back into the body. Death. It's amazing the shit we'll put ourselves through to stave it off.
Finally, there's George. My brother. He was born in and he died in 2002. My mother's fourth child, he died of sudden infant death syndrome a few months after he was born. I never got a chance to meet him because I was living in Queensland between 2001 and 2003. My poor mother though, she's been through so much sadness and turmoil in her life. It doesn't seem fair. But life and death are one and the same, and there isn't any justice to either of them.
I think I'll close this post with my ideal cause of death, which is what I wanted this post to be about before I got sidetracked. Because death is such a momentous and tragic event, because death signifies the end of one's existence I want to die from spontaneous combustion. It is my skeptical duty to say that spontaneous human combustion has little in the way of proper evidence and no known mechanism. However, if it exists, I want to spontaneously combust. Because no matter what the situation, SHC is funny. Fucking hilarious, actually, and I can't think of a single situation where it wouldn't cause me to chuckle. Say I'm just talking to someone, we're in the middle of a (probably) pointless and irrelevant conversation and suddenly I burn upwith no warning. The person talking to me would be mortified, and my death, like our conversation, would be pointless and irrelevant. But let's say I'mnot talking to someone. I'm lying in a bed, dying of cancer. My family is gathered to say a tearful farewell and then 'poof', I just explode. Face it, it would be funny. I suppose spontaneous combustion is my favourite C.O.D because it is the ultimate non-sequiter.
The Cad
21.6.09
Dignity in General
Chris has a problem with semi-pornographic music videos because they degrade women, apparently. I disagree. I dislike semi-pornographic music videos because they are only semi-pornographic. But I digress, the topic of this post is degradation, not porn in music videos,and I don't think that anyone can say that music videos degrade women, if all they're doing is dancing like spastics without tops on. For one thing, I like breasts, and I don't think that having them visible should make you any less worthy than those frigid spinsters who wear blouses that button all the way up to the chin. For another, I'm assuming that their participation is voluntary and not compulsary and therefor is anyone is degrading them, it's them themselves. Also, on top of voluntary participation, I'm sure they also get paid, and with the ridiculous amount of money that goes into these shitty videos I doubt it's an amount to be scoffed at.
But seriously, what's degrading about overt sexuality? Even offensively overt? My idea of degrading someone is to push their face into the dirt and make them drink their own piss. Or to abuse themand tease them about it. Filming hot women being sexy around some dickhead in an ill-fitting suit is not degradation. But Chris referred specifically to objectifying women, as in they are being portrayed as mere objects for men to have sex with. Now, if you can't have sex with an object, what are you meant to do? Fuck an idea? I know that's not how the term is meant but still, people need to remember that they are objects, in the sense they interact with the physical world. Besides, I think that most people know not to apply the shit they see in music videos to the real world.
I would argue that women are not objectified, because all men know that women can walk, talk and think to at least some extent, regardless of the extent of their cleavage. I think sex is being objectified. Sex is being portrayed as a tool that leads to wealth, health and happiness, which, let's face it, is partially true. Besides, if what is shown on MTV will spread to reality, then why aren't more of us men driving low-ridersand sporting grilles. People who bitch about the devaluing of women through sexual imagery generally believe that people in general are so stupid, shallow ignorant that they can't tell good from bad, sex from love and a woman from a fleshlight.
I think that people need to help and raise awareness for women who really are taken for granted, women who are abused by people they love because they don't value themselves enough to leave, or enough to stand up for themselves. All women are beautiful, I think we need to stop blaming the happy ones for being sexy and we need to start treating them like adults, talk about something more relevant to women in society than MTfuckingV. Like fathers who don't pay child support, and boyfriends who think 'no' means 'yes' and think that a stomach is suitable replacement for a boxing bag.
Q: Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
A: Because they are ugly and they smell bad.
The Cad
But seriously, what's degrading about overt sexuality? Even offensively overt? My idea of degrading someone is to push their face into the dirt and make them drink their own piss. Or to abuse themand tease them about it. Filming hot women being sexy around some dickhead in an ill-fitting suit is not degradation. But Chris referred specifically to objectifying women, as in they are being portrayed as mere objects for men to have sex with. Now, if you can't have sex with an object, what are you meant to do? Fuck an idea? I know that's not how the term is meant but still, people need to remember that they are objects, in the sense they interact with the physical world. Besides, I think that most people know not to apply the shit they see in music videos to the real world.
I would argue that women are not objectified, because all men know that women can walk, talk and think to at least some extent, regardless of the extent of their cleavage. I think sex is being objectified. Sex is being portrayed as a tool that leads to wealth, health and happiness, which, let's face it, is partially true. Besides, if what is shown on MTV will spread to reality, then why aren't more of us men driving low-ridersand sporting grilles. People who bitch about the devaluing of women through sexual imagery generally believe that people in general are so stupid, shallow ignorant that they can't tell good from bad, sex from love and a woman from a fleshlight.
I think that people need to help and raise awareness for women who really are taken for granted, women who are abused by people they love because they don't value themselves enough to leave, or enough to stand up for themselves. All women are beautiful, I think we need to stop blaming the happy ones for being sexy and we need to start treating them like adults, talk about something more relevant to women in society than MTfuckingV. Like fathers who don't pay child support, and boyfriends who think 'no' means 'yes' and think that a stomach is suitable replacement for a boxing bag.
Q: Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
A: Because they are ugly and they smell bad.
The Cad
10.6.09
What now?
I don't know what to talk about, unfortunately, which won't make for a very good post. What can I do to fix it this..? I turned the lights off, which helps, at leat I think it does, so it probably will.
Maybe we'll discuss poetry, although this just a personal post, not Poetry in General. I like poetry, I think language is probably the most powerful and useful creation that mankind can be credited with. Without language we would have nothing, because their would be no 'we', at least not as we know it. Modern society relies upon communication between groups and indiviuals, without language, the best society we could hope for would be tribes of people who live in huts.
So, back to poetry, I think poetry and song capture the power of language to unleash against us in an emotional assault, using nothing but the meaning our brain possesses for any particular word or sentence.
I used to write poetry but I find it a really arduous task most of the time. I never think anything I create is good enough, which it usually isn't because I can't pin down in my head exactly what I'm trying to communicate, and so I've lost the confidence needed to do it. But there's one thing I wrote that I quite like, I'll post it here:
Into the Night
You'll drop dead beautiful,
For your intravenous life span,
The first one's too powerful,
So bleeding's your escape plan,
It numbs the pain it causes,
The feeling as your skin tears,
For you it seems time pauses,
And your soul just a white flare,
Perhaps he cares about you,
Behind the scowling frown,
I'd like to try and help you,
But I can't bring you down,
You've drifted into darkness,
Just like the light outside,
You've broken from my harness,
In a shattered sleep you hide,
I won't be here when you wake up,
I've left to find myself,
Your glistening red has filled the cup,
I won't nurse you back to health,
But see, I don't think it's good enough.
But I'll post anyways.
Sorry folks, I'm tired and I, I want to go to bed
Maybe we'll discuss poetry, although this just a personal post, not Poetry in General. I like poetry, I think language is probably the most powerful and useful creation that mankind can be credited with. Without language we would have nothing, because their would be no 'we', at least not as we know it. Modern society relies upon communication between groups and indiviuals, without language, the best society we could hope for would be tribes of people who live in huts.
So, back to poetry, I think poetry and song capture the power of language to unleash against us in an emotional assault, using nothing but the meaning our brain possesses for any particular word or sentence.
I used to write poetry but I find it a really arduous task most of the time. I never think anything I create is good enough, which it usually isn't because I can't pin down in my head exactly what I'm trying to communicate, and so I've lost the confidence needed to do it. But there's one thing I wrote that I quite like, I'll post it here:
Into the Night
You'll drop dead beautiful,
For your intravenous life span,
The first one's too powerful,
So bleeding's your escape plan,
It numbs the pain it causes,
The feeling as your skin tears,
For you it seems time pauses,
And your soul just a white flare,
Perhaps he cares about you,
Behind the scowling frown,
I'd like to try and help you,
But I can't bring you down,
You've drifted into darkness,
Just like the light outside,
You've broken from my harness,
In a shattered sleep you hide,
I won't be here when you wake up,
I've left to find myself,
Your glistening red has filled the cup,
I won't nurse you back to health,
But see, I don't think it's good enough.
But I'll post anyways.
Sorry folks, I'm tired and I, I want to go to bed
8.6.09
Cynical cunts in general
You know those people who are paid to complain about shit? You know, either they write a book about things that annoy them, or they go on telly talk shows to complain about things, or worse, they go and start a fucking blog which they just fill with stuff that they don't accept/approve/agree with. I hate those people, for many reasons. First of all, even though there are innumerable cynical cunts in this world, they each all think that their individual complaints are 100% justified and correct, while another cynical cunt holds the opposite position with equal conviction. Secondly, a lot of the time, especially when they are writing a whole book about things they personally dislike, they complain about inconsequential rubbish when they run out of things to complain about that actually matter. The third and final reason that I hate these cynical celebrities is because they are getting paid to do something that I not only do for free, but that I also do better.
I bought a cynic book, Fridge Magnets are Bastards, because it's laid out in a format that I find readable, i.e it is juat an A-Z list of topics that the author, Mark Dapin, finds reprehensible. Fridge magnets are just one such topic, but they illustrate my point about thse people just complaining about shit all. I think if I were to write a similar book it would be far superior, however, because my gripes about existence are completely relevant, my opinions are always right and because what I say is important.
But really, what self-respecting cynic lives off writing shit books about things that suck? Actually, that sounds pretty good to me.
On a side note I am going to start a drinking establishment called "TheApocryphal Pub" so's that people can say that were at The Pub, without sounding like condesceding wankers.
I've changed my mind, cynics are great, they should be able to make a living by uselessly criticising useless people/places/objects. What I do hate is publishing companies and talk shows that don't pay me for my opinion.
But really, it's not even ocnstructive criticism that cynics provide, it's pointless, subjective rubbish. And they are paid for it, that does seem quite a fitting job fo1 a true cynic.
I'm tossing up on whether to post this now or complain about something else, I was thinking of complaining about pseudo-cynics who think cynicism is cool. No-one likes cynics, it's not something one does by choice.
I'm too lazy to continue
The Cad
I bought a cynic book, Fridge Magnets are Bastards, because it's laid out in a format that I find readable, i.e it is juat an A-Z list of topics that the author, Mark Dapin, finds reprehensible. Fridge magnets are just one such topic, but they illustrate my point about thse people just complaining about shit all. I think if I were to write a similar book it would be far superior, however, because my gripes about existence are completely relevant, my opinions are always right and because what I say is important.
But really, what self-respecting cynic lives off writing shit books about things that suck? Actually, that sounds pretty good to me.
On a side note I am going to start a drinking establishment called "The
I've changed my mind, cynics are great, they should be able to make a living by uselessly criticising useless people/places/objects. What I do hate is publishing companies and talk shows that don't pay me for my opinion.
But really, it's not even ocnstructive criticism that cynics provide, it's pointless, subjective rubbish. And they are paid for it, that does seem quite a fitting job fo1 a true cynic.
I'm tossing up on whether to post this now or complain about something else, I was thinking of complaining about pseudo-cynics who think cynicism is cool. No-one likes cynics, it's not something one does by choice.
I'm too lazy to continue
The Cad
4.6.09
Skepticism in general
I consider myself an armchair skeptic, I think that living a rational life is the best way to go but I have a problem with the skeptic movement. Namely, most of them are smarmy cunts. I think this puts people off, which is entirely understandable. It's a fine line between being a rational person and a know it all wanker. Recently I've been listening to Point of Inquiry, the official podcast of the skeptic's inquirer magazine. They have some good interviews with people like Richard Dawkins and Joe Nickell, which are worth listening to, but they spend half their time shoving this secular humanist atheist shit down my throat which makes them hard to listen to. I understand their plight, I'm an atheist myself, but I think that as long as we can teach people to be rational enough to get the most out of their existence as they can then we don't need to bring God into it, they can comfort themselves with a meaninful existence. It's scary to think about how fleeting and impermanent mortality is, I don't blame them for wanting something to hold onto. I do think that where faith and reality conflict then reality must by definition be the ultimate victor and the faith should rightfully be disparaged.
I love The Skeptic's Guide to Universe, because they are skeptical nerds, and nerds are, generally, the nicest people their are. Steve and the rogues are funny and interesting, and the late Perry DeAngelis espoused viewpoints that I personally hold, but I think that Dr. Steven Novella is the best poster boy for skepticism their is, because he is so dedicated and so humble and above all clever. I listen to other skeptical podcasts because I personally am interested in skepticism but the SGU is, to be frank, good shit. I love it, I listen to it when I fall asleep at night. And they aren't smarmy cunts! The New England accent does take some getting used to though, but eventually you can tell his voice apart from Ray Romano's.
Anyway, I have to go call Eloise... goodbye.
The Cad
I love The Skeptic's Guide to Universe, because they are skeptical nerds, and nerds are, generally, the nicest people their are. Steve and the rogues are funny and interesting, and the late Perry DeAngelis espoused viewpoints that I personally hold, but I think that Dr. Steven Novella is the best poster boy for skepticism their is, because he is so dedicated and so humble and above all clever. I listen to other skeptical podcasts because I personally am interested in skepticism but the SGU is, to be frank, good shit. I love it, I listen to it when I fall asleep at night. And they aren't smarmy cunts! The New England accent does take some getting used to though, but eventually you can tell his voice apart from Ray Romano's.
Anyway, I have to go call Eloise... goodbye.
The Cad
3.6.09
Sexism in general
I don't think of myself as sexist. While I'm not saying I don't make general remarks about men or women in general, I don't judge individuals on a basis of gender, race or class, but on their virtues, their worth as individuals. Besides, if I were to be honest, if I were to generalise, I love womens, they're beautiful, all of them almost, which is lot better than I can say for men. Men are generally ugly and I hate those who aren't because they make me feel ugly. But so many women are so kind, and those who aren't can go to the pretty boys, that would be fine.
But maybe I'm biased, my girlfriend is not a fair comparison to all women, she is too kind and too beautiful. But my ex on the otherhand, she was crazy and cruel and the last time I saw her she looked like a gorilla. Oh well, I guess that's what I'm saying, people need to judged as individuals, based on their actions and their virtues.
So I don't like racism or sexism or discrimination in general. I'm not saying that everyone is all lovely and nice, there are shit people out there but I think that saying things in general about people in general is generally inaccurate.
But you don't have to listen to me, I advise you work shit out for yourself, at least you'll be confident in your decisions.
"Bitches Ain't Shit but Ho's and Tricks"
The Cad
But maybe I'm biased, my girlfriend is not a fair comparison to all women, she is too kind and too beautiful. But my ex on the otherhand, she was crazy and cruel and the last time I saw her she looked like a gorilla. Oh well, I guess that's what I'm saying, people need to judged as individuals, based on their actions and their virtues.
So I don't like racism or sexism or discrimination in general. I'm not saying that everyone is all lovely and nice, there are shit people out there but I think that saying things in general about people in general is generally inaccurate.
But you don't have to listen to me, I advise you work shit out for yourself, at least you'll be confident in your decisions.
"Bitches Ain't Shit but Ho's and Tricks"
The Cad
2.6.09
Frazer's blog in General
Frazer, Frazer, Frazer, Frazer... Well... I'm sure It's well written, I haven't actually read any of it though, because I have dismissed it, a priori, as dense and incomprehensible, at least from the layman's perspective and, let's face it, I'm the ultimately layman.
To be honest, I hate Frazer. Not really, I mean, not as a person. I love Frazer, he's has been, and still is, a great friend to me. I hate Frazer because he's so fucking smart and knows everything there is to know about the shit that interests him. Now I've always been a fairly smart person but, for reasons beyond my control, I don't have the focus to become intricately and deeply involved in a topic or activity. I'm good at English, my vocabulary is fairly top-notch, but I can't become an expert on anything. Jack of all trades, master of none. And I love reading, but I can't read things that are dense and technical because I actually can't. Thus, I cannot read Frazer's blog.
But also, it's a blog about metal tech and such, I mean, who reads blogs about metal tech? It's like looking at photos of computers, why would you? I'm sure that there are some people who find things like that deathly interesting, but as I mentioned in an earlier post, the internet is a haven for weirdos.
Anyway, must go to class.
The Cad
To be honest, I hate Frazer. Not really, I mean, not as a person. I love Frazer, he's has been, and still is, a great friend to me. I hate Frazer because he's so fucking smart and knows everything there is to know about the shit that interests him. Now I've always been a fairly smart person but, for reasons beyond my control, I don't have the focus to become intricately and deeply involved in a topic or activity. I'm good at English, my vocabulary is fairly top-notch, but I can't become an expert on anything. Jack of all trades, master of none. And I love reading, but I can't read things that are dense and technical because I actually can't. Thus, I cannot read Frazer's blog.
But also, it's a blog about metal tech and such, I mean, who reads blogs about metal tech? It's like looking at photos of computers, why would you? I'm sure that there are some people who find things like that deathly interesting, but as I mentioned in an earlier post, the internet is a haven for weirdos.
Anyway, must go to class.
The Cad
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